I think that presuming intention of another person is often in error.
Sometimes being a responsible member of a community is raising an alarm so that people can be more aware. My posts are not motivated by hate. I don't hate anyone. I don't want people to choose sides either. Not my intention at all. I love everyone involved. My intent is make people more aware of whether they are supporting anti-social behaviors. And I think a lot of people are supporting some anti-social behaviors out of loyalty. I think I have been doing it uncomfortably for years without much pushback. And so what you witnessed was a long overdue pushback. That's all. No more, no less.
So, my post of pain and fear and stress isn't an alarm being raised (because it mentions my wife by her "civil name?"), no, but your post wherein I'm compared to a Sack of Shit is a community service.
Thanks for that, your choices have been most educational for me.
I admit that in my pain and anger I've lashed out inappropriately. I have not been in control, things are very bad for me.
I see that in order to be taken seriously, I need to learn and follow your communications protocol. No thanks, I'll stick to mine, it's more internally consistent.
I'm sincerely sorry that you've felt it necessary to stick around uncomfortably for years while secretly needing to discredit me as a service to the community. I wish you had taken a stance a long time ago, I wouldn't have wasted time asking you for help-- I feel like a fool now.
2007-05-22 02:10 am (UTC)
I am glad you are getting professional help. I really, really commend you for it. There are good therapists out there.
I am not qualified to help you.
I apologize for any hurt I have caused you. I would be happy to talk to you personally, but I cannot work with you professionally because I am not qualified.
I love you and I am really, really glad you are getting help and taking care of you and your family. That is utterly commendable. Keep it up!
2007-05-22 02:52 am (UTC)
Re: Good work!
Thanks so much for your overtly honest attempt to rectify your previous posts!
I knew you would think of something to say to make up for your previous poor judgements, since obviously, you have a business based on your name to market heavily.
It's great that you have issued what amounts to a retraction here in this journal, I wonder if you're clever enough to do so in your own, where you've obliquely accused me of much more heinous activity, such as, being a Sack of Shit.
You get what you send out, and it is my hope that you net double.
As far as talking to me personally, you still have my phone number, and could call me at any time, as has been the case throughout this process. Should you continue to choose to avoid that, please accept my many thanks for your insight and professional counsel.
2007-05-22 03:21 am (UTC)
Re: Good work!
You read too much into my previous posts and credit me with more cleverness than I possess.
> You get what you send out, and it is my hope that you net double.
Me too! I'll call you tomorrow.
2007-05-22 09:42 pm (UTC)
I may be Angry but I'm not Stupid.
I won't be taking your calls as long as there is a slanderous public post about me in your journal.
You are wrong about me and leaving that post there is irresponsible communication.
Deeds not words, healer.
Unctuous disingenuousness won't work; maybe you should try inducing a trance before you attempt to reprogram me?
2007-05-24 06:30 am (UTC)
Re: I may be Angry but I'm not Stupid.
Tell me which post mentions you by name or LJ handle? I'll delete that post. But I don't think there are any posts that talk about you. Maybe you are reading too much into things. Sometimes a rock is only a rock.
Howevevr, I'll be happy to delete it to make you feel better, but I do not think slander is even remotely involved. Which one are you talking about? I am confused.
Have a great weekend!
Much more diplomatic way of putting it than I could have at this point.
It's hard not to feel targeted by this post.
I can certainly say that I am not secure at all in my position and that I indeed need some approval and support, though I don't believe I've used my journal as a "machine of hate and humiliation."
I can also say that I have not angled my writing to illicit a response or rally troops.
I don't understand why journalling about my difficulties and stress equals sad behavior or poisoning the ears of someone.
But between this post, and Aisha's posts, and Content's, I now see that it doesn't matter what I think I'm doing, because what other people think I'm doing is trying to hurt Kendall with my LJ. So I won't be using my journal any more, and I'm sorry that being candid about my experience has made so many people unhappy and brought so much negative judgement to me.
Thanks to everyone for their compassion and understanding. Sorry to put you in the position that I clearly have.
I haven no idea what Amanda is referring to, but I take it as a generalized statement because I can see it applying to many posts on LJ. So I have no insight into your statement except this.
I've found that making candid statements about personal things, especially in the world of relationships on LJ can be like hitting a beehive with a baseball bat. When people know both parties involved, or the former SO or what have you reads the journal, or further still, people who side with the other, they go on the attack, or take it the wrong way, etc. This is why I've gone to a hand-written journal for any truly personal diaries. It creates so much less drama that way in my opinion. Mostly because readers think they have a right to put their two cents in. It's a problem with being able to comment. Personal entries become more than that, they start to be interpreted and shared instead of remaining as an written expression or view of a particular situation.
Why on earth would you be mentioning me in this context? You have no reason to do so. I have not posted about you, and I don't read your LJ. What exactly are you on about?
Another mistake in judgement, sorry to bother you.
That is YOUR journal dear.
OK, I'll just go back to my own bullshit free life, where everything is shiny and pretty, um right.
I think mandapanda's post is very general, probably not just to point a finger at you. I may be wrong.....
2007-05-21 10:11 pm (UTC)
It's Not All About Me!
No, you were spot on. I've been feeling very hurt and alone and betrayed for a few days and of course I personalized this entry, thinking that yet another of my friends was turning out to not really be my friend after all.
It turns out that this entry wasn't about me after all! All was explained via a private email and I feel much better.
I wish I could remember this lesson, I seem to get it with some frequency.
Heh. I have a bright red angry looking journal for entries like relationship problems. It just screams "ANGRY".
I think "LiveDiary" would be more accurate than "LiveJournal". Entries on LJ are as much like "journalism" as the LJ Friends List is like "your personal friends". Sometimes there is an overlap for people, but often there is a huge difference.
amen! your last couple posts have touched upon experiences/thoughts i've recently had as well.